Jokes

[bliss]

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "There are no fish under the ice!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, manager of this ice rink!"
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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
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Q: What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
A: 100 people who don't do dick.
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An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."
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First the doctor told me the good news:

I'm going to have a new disease named after me!
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My first drink with my son. I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it – so I had it.

Then I got him a Harp Lager, he didn't like it, so I had it.

It was the same with the 1664 Lager, Murphy's Irish Red and Premium Dry Cider. By the time we got down to the whisky, I could hardly push the stroller back home.
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Interesting, not funny....

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