Jokes

[dave from mesa]

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN




The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He
is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are
closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St.. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is
filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
for
everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get
into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But
nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test
ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only
three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day
and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a
chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week
begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today
and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is
not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not
specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next
one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied
Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer
can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's
name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January
2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...."

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with
this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in
mind.....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go
on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first
two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as
the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I
learnt it from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY
TELLS
ME I AM HIS OWN. . "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."