Jokes

[cobra de capell]

It's been posted somewhere before, but there is so much truth in this......

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!”

“Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he’s in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don’t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don’t discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.

Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim.”

“If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

She replied, “He said you’re gonna die.”

[BigGuy]

Subject: Blonde & Proud



A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one
night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How
did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde
replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to
commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No,
Silly, ' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my
chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for
these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the
chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the
gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
to get my teeth straightened . I'm not shooting myself
in the mouth.' 'So then I put the gun to my ear, and I
thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put
my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.


A blonde was driving home after a game , and got
caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered
with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair
shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and
blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents
would pop out. So the blonde went home, got down on
her hands and knees, and started blowing into her
tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde
roommate saw her , and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had
instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to
get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her
eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up
the windows first.'



A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a
shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it,
so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask
what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a
thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things
cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm
going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took
it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that ? ' he asked. 'Why, that's a
thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you
have in it?' The blond replied..... ..'Two popsicles
and some coffee.'


AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes
out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the
matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got
a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you
go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and
rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to
keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of
doing that here.' The boss agrees and allows the
blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass, and
the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office, and sees the blonde crying
hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be
okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just
received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother
died, too!'