Jokes

[SoTxButler]

A burglar breaks into a house in the middle of the night. As he slowly moves through the house with his pen light, a voice says

"Jesus is watching you"

The burglar freezes and turns off his light. Cannot believe what he just heard. It must be his imagination. After a minute or so, he turns on the pen light again and starts to move slowly...again a voice says

"Jesus is watching you"

At this point his heart is pounding and his only thought is "if I can get out of here, I'll never do this again" After another minute or so, he decides he must get out of there and turns on the pen light to scan the room. As he scans the room, the light shines on a parrot. He looks at the parrot and asks, "did you say that"? The parrot says "YEP"
The burglar says "Man you scared me to death" What is your name?

The parrot answers "Moses"

The burglar smiles and says to the parrot "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses"?

the parrot replies...."the same kind of people that would name a ROTTWIELER Jesus"

[cobra de capell]

What's long and hard on a black man?
- Father's Day
What's long and hard on a mexican man?
- 5th grade
What's long and hard on a white man?
- Nothing
_____

An old man walked out onto a frozen lake on a bitter cold winter day. He drilled a hole in the ice, sat on his bucket, put his fishing line in the water and eagerly waited for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye!

This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?"

The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm."

"What," asked the old man?

Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm.”

Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying."

So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!"