Jokes

[bliss]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
_____

I've drawn a cartoon picture of


Mohamed and signed it Kim Jong-un.


Let's see where this goes.
_____

If Russia invaded Turkey from behind, do you think Greece would help?
_____

[bliss]

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don't get support soon, people will think we are nuts.
_____



Sort of funny....




Obama has decided to make Community College education "FREE" (for those who qualify, meaning they are low/no income or members of a minority class).

Obama states that he will proceed with executive action to accomplish this, irrespective of Congress or citizen desires.

The President has even outlined the curriculum that will be offered. He insists that the courses offered must include:

‘Introduction to the Metric’ system…with emphasis on the unit ‘grams’ used in retail sales.

‘Ebonics not Phonics’ The way to say something without using those stupid rules of grammar or spelling.

‘Economics for Today’….Why you deserve other people’s money even if you don’t contribute to society.

‘Modern Sociology’ How the latest trends in rioting, looting, and men like Al Sharpton have enhanced our society.

‘Immigration’….It’s no longer illegal, it’s your right! Why you should not have to comply with immigration laws once you have managed to sneak into the country.

[bliss]

A group of seniors was sitting around talking about all their ailments.


"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another.
"My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you," said one elderly lady.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said one, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your blessings," said a woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."
_____