Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar sits a huge Italian,6 ft. 5 and 350 lb. He has already had
a few too many drinks, when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits
beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay fellow plucks up the courage to say something to the big
Italian. Leaning over towards him, he whispers, "Do you want to get a blow job?"

At this, the massive Italian leaps up with fire in hiseyes, and smacks the man in the face,
knocking him swiftly off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar
before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot.The Italian returns to his seat
and proceeds to order another drink.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another drink.The bartender then says, "I've
never seen you react like that, just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure..." the big Italian replied,"....something about getting a job.
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... A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a
sign that read, "$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00"
The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask, "Is the sign right?"
The Indian says, "yes."
The cowboy hands him a five and says, "you're on"
The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly
states, "you're from Wyoming."
The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him
the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of
straw and cow dung on his boots. The Indian says, "you're from Montana"
The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money. He goes into the
mens room, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off, puts on a coat of polish and
approaches the Indian. He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, "do your stuff"
The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now
thinking he's gone one up on the Indian. The Indian says, "You're from Colorado."
The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out how the Indian
could know that, so he asks, "How in the world did you know I'm from Colorado?"The Indian
replies, "by the wool on your zipper."
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Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
1. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage
bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancée like
property.We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up
planets for fun.
6. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
7. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
8. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
9. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
10. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
11. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force
to get the key.
12. Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
13. Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!
14. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your
father!?!"
15. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a
stupid minor character.
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On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom, "Since we're married now, we can
arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex
at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not want sex. Lastly if my
hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."
The groom replied, "Okay, Sweetheart. Just notice that when I come home, I usually have
a drink. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may
or may not be wanting sex. But if I drink more than two, your hair won't matter!
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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across
two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even
the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
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A new study says that having sex decreases your chances of getting a cold. The more sex
you have, the less you'll have a cold.
Just wait until guys get hold of this. A woman sneezes and he'll be saying, "Hey, I got
something for that."
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I had this dream that I was driving down the freeway and slamming into everyone, just
slamming into them. From side to side to side, right to left, all the way down the freeway.
Not hurting anyone, though, just knocking the phones out of their hands.
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The Justice Department says the "vast majority" of the 1,147 unnamed persons
incarcerated in the Sept. 11 investigation are still in custody. But the White House says
"the overwhelming number" have been released. If there's a mathematician among the
readers, someone please determinewhat the "overwhelming number" subtracted from the
"vast majority" equals. All I come up with is "total governmental bull****."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the
sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner,
after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's
voice.

"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside
making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the
window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"

"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"