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  #1241 (permalink)  
Old 12-22-2015, 02:46 PM
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Default Walking Down The Aisle.....

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw the missus walking down
the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing
beside me.

I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love.

They're doing 3 Crates of beer for the price of 2 !"
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  #1242 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2015, 05:07 PM
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Default Never to old to enjoy a Cobra

Uncle Bert who will turn 101 in March asked me if I could take him for a ride in the Cobra!!!
I was concerned how we would shoe horn him into the cockpit without hurting him..... he climbed in virtually unassisted just like he had done it a million times before.
We went for a drive when we came back I asked if he enjoyed it.
He replied, it was OK
But he would like to go out again, this time without his hat so he can feel the wind in his hair...


You recon he is enjoying himself????

(A 2 min video of our drive hope the link works, and apologies for sound quality stil working on mic placement)

http://vid66.photobucket.com/albums/...pscrkjughq.mp4

This time his words were "Very exhilarating"

You are never too old!
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  #1243 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2015, 06:01 PM
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Nice one Kent!
My elderly neighbor is lining up too for a ride when mine hits the road!

Cheers,
Glen
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  #1244 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2015, 07:01 PM
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Just so cool! I wish I had a chance to do same with my Dad before he passed.
Thanks for sharing!
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  #1245 (permalink)  
Old 01-01-2016, 02:54 AM
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SIMPLE TRUTH 1:



Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


SIMPLE TRUTH 2:



When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".

But, none of them touch the man's cock and say, "Good job".

Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.


FIVE OTHER SIMPLE TRUTHS:

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the arse hole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.




BONUS TRUTH:


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

And a Happy New Year to everyone !!
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  #1246 (permalink)  
Old 01-03-2016, 01:59 PM
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Irish Toast




An Irish Miracle

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.

He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.

So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.

He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.

But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.

He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.

"Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."

"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy

"Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It's a mir….

Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc."

A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome . No expense is spared. There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.

Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.

"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out.

Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"
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  #1247 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2016, 10:26 PM
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Default How to get to Heaven from Glasgow

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children and
loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"


Again, they all answered 'No!'


I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted,

"Yuv got tae be fukin' dead"


Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye...
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  #1248 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2016, 04:46 PM
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Hey Bernie, not sure if you still visit?

Ronda and I just signed up on a place in Mount Gambier.
Getting ready for relocating in about 7-10 years, had some spare money so figured it was time to invest in property.

I was stunned how cheap houses are in your area.
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  #1249 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2016, 04:55 PM
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Boxhead,
You're gonna need a bigger garage. Nice place!!
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  #1250 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2016, 05:17 PM
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That one is not where we will live.
We plan to buy a house in a little sleepy place called Donovans Landing.
And I have permission to buy a factory/workshop in Mount Gambier to store/build/restore cars.
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  #1251 (permalink)  
Old 05-09-2016, 05:43 AM
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Life's simple pleasures...

discovered this in one of those rabbit hole voyages to YouTube, made me smile.
(if you're gunna watch may as watch in youtube for a bigger picture)



I hear my people calling
Still got your Pursuit 250 Mike?...

I think there was an event like this just prior to ShelbyFest 2015 - helps the laptimes no end...

LB

Last edited by LoBelly; 05-09-2016 at 05:48 AM.. Reason: geckos on the wall
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  #1252 (permalink)  
Old 05-09-2016, 08:16 PM
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Yep, Still got the Pursuit 250. I'm giving it a bit of TLC at the moment. Needs new front brake rotors and the front bumper resprayed.
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  #1253 (permalink)  
Old 05-10-2016, 11:46 PM
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To be honest watching blokes burn rubber while their mate waves out of the window doesn't do much for me. Never been a fan of burnout comps and the like. I think I have too much mechanical sympathy.
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Old 05-14-2016, 03:30 AM
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Yep Me too. What's all the pumping air about ?
Those burnout comps are an abuse of some fine engines to me.
I did a smokey burnout in an electric cart at work one day.....Parked it against the wall and turned it on.....Just to prove to a young bloke that it was pointless.
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Old 05-23-2016, 08:57 PM
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Helping my neighbour out today with my excavator digging test holes for him on his 1000Acre property across the road from ours. Made me feel like a ten year old boy all over again playing with the mechanical diggers at the Monash playground here in the S.A. river land..
Good memories...
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  #1256 (permalink)  
Old 05-26-2016, 05:24 PM
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the old monash playground aint like she used to be they have taken all the good stuff ie dangerous stuff away ..i remember going down the flying fox in a full length plaster cast on my left leg after breaking in a motor bike prang and realising half way down this was not going to end well when i hit the stopper at the bottom .
things you do when your young and stupid lol
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  #1257 (permalink)  
Old 05-26-2016, 08:34 PM
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Yeah, Dean I remember that flying fox. As young (and stupid) teenagers we used to go windsurfing at Lake Bonny then at night after a few beers we would frequent the Monash playground and go on the oscillating/spinning cones (best way I can describe them) that was different.. and dangerous enough. LOL
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:36 AM
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...From the country that brought us dystopian action films starring Mel Gibson, Vegemite, and a severe fear of local wildlife...

2012 Holden UTE LS2 6-Speed Automatic For Sale | Orlando, Florida | ORD 356

gadzooks
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Old 06-03-2016, 06:07 AM
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It didn't have a Chev Badge on it !
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Old 06-03-2016, 06:18 AM
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You would think if they were going to go to the trouble of importing and converting a ute they would have started with a HSV Maloo.
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