The POOL ROOM

[letsboogie351]

As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport,
President Trump strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.
The smell is so atrocious that both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two Heads of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen politely turns to President Trump and says: "Mr President,
please accept my deepest regrets... I am sure you understand there are
some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Trump, always trying to be "Presidential," responded: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought...Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

[BJ's Snake]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.

[letsboogie351]

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.


The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:


NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10


This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day.

[LoBelly]

... ok

[letsboogie351]

I went to my nearby Amcal Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?

Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.

He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"

I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

[letsboogie351]

Subject: Marriage
Are you confused !

This story may help you decide which way to vote.


Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?", said the clerk.
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've claim they'd been denied equal protection under law.
If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license…….. Next."


"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. ……..Next."


"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Anderson."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together.
Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"


...Don't laugh, it's just a matter of time.

[Rog246]

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for a stroll around the lake. I noticed a man shouting, "Allah be praised!" and "Death to all Infidels" when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.

Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law of the land that requires you help those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department.

Now it is 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities have responded.

I'm starting to think I just wasted four stamps.

[trularin]

Originally Posted by Rog246

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for a stroll around the lake. I noticed a man shouting, "Allah be praised!" and "Death to all Infidels" when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.

Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law of the land that requires you help those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department.

Now it is 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities have responded.

I'm starting to think I just wasted four stamps.

I was sure you were going to say you called them in Germany. LOL

Cheers to all...just stopping by to say hello.

Tru

[stumpeater]

Please note there is a typographical error in the Quran! Verse 68, subsection 4, paragraph 3, should read:
" All Jihadists who die in the name of Allah shall receive a 77 year old virgin"
Not "77 virgins" as previously written, sorry for any inconvenience.

[64galaxie]

If the owner of this Kirkham KMP-0669 is on this site please contact me on my mobile number 0428145883.I have a very important part for your car,i.e. VIN Plate.

[LoBelly]

From the March 1972 issue



https://www.caranddriver.com/feature...chived-feature

[LoBelly]

Snake in the Barn



LB

[LoBelly]

for - d

https://www.hemmings.com/classifieds...0/2064628.html

[LoBelly]

lego barra

[deano59]

Originally Posted by LoBelly

lego barra

it needs a can of start ya bastard lol

[Bender]

Here in Australia. The year has been racing along. Apparently its only 3 Prime Ministers to Christmas. ��

[letsboogie351]

The wedding ceremony came to the point where the Minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.
The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.
She stood up and started walking slowly towards the pastor.
The congregation was aghast and, the groom’s jaw dropped, as he stared disbelievingly at the approaching young woman and child.
Chaos ensued. The bride threw the bouquet in the air and burst out crying.
Then the groom's mother fainted.
The Best Man and the groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The Minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you have come forward?
What do you have to say?”
There was absolute silence in the church.
The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back.

[letsboogie351]

As I stop and reflect on the number of people I have lost through my life, perhaps being a tour guide wasn't the job for me!

[letsboogie351]

Jellyfish have survived 650 million years despite, not having a brain.
This gives so many people hope.

[letsboogie351]

Four Mums in therapy
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her
little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has
no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from
School and go get dinner.