Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

A Blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were
currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her
out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent
her on her way.

Who Said Blondes Can't Fly after she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view
is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.

The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her
from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I
was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."


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A prominent Hollywood producer was being ministered to by a talented prostitute. She was giving him a total body tongue job, more
commonly
known as ' a trip
around the world '.
At the same time he was arguing on the telephone with a a film director over a plot twist on a new television movie on which they were
working jointly.
The argument got so heated that the prostitute looked up from her work and complained, "Damn it, man, argue on your own time!"
The producer bellowed into the phone, "We're going to do it my way!"
And then he turned to the girl. "And you *****...you keep a civil tongue in my ass!"
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Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down
the back?
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work;
I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our jobto stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature
into something you'd like to
have dinner with."
Kathleen Mifsud

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." Ann Bancroft

"Any husband who says, 'My wife and I are completely equal partners,' is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge."
Bill Cosby

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
Rita Rudner

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut after."
Benjamin Franklin

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
Henny Youngman

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
Milton Berle

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
George Burns

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
Elaine Boosler

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Phyllis Diller

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
Rita Rudner

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
Henny Youngman

"At a party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ringon the wrong finger?'
The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
Anonymous

"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are
beautiful." Anonymous
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This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor,
Doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor.
"Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand."
"I do", says the man. "Twice a day."
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There was a large revival meeting on the outskirtsof town, and at the appropriate corner there wasa large sign proclaiming...."If you are
weary ofsin and want to be
saved, turn here, go 100 yards,and come into the " Save The Sinners " revival tent."
Below the sign someone had hung another smallersign...."If NOT weary, call Sherry 555-3550."
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There are 2 kinds of people in this world.
Those that want to get ahead, and those that just want to get head
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Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own
pants.
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A guy says to his girlfriend, "Do you know
the difference between a conversation and
making love?"

The girl says, "No."

"Then lie down," the guy says. "I wanna
talk to you."

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Q: What do you call two skunks 69-ing?
A: Odor eaters.
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An obnoxious guy walks into the neighborhood bar and sits next to a local honey already having her first beverage. As he tries to strike
up a conversation she
keeps ignoring him. Finally he says, "you know me, why don't you talk to me?"

She replies, "Yes, I know you, you're Morgan - big M, small organ."
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The doctor was surprised to find old Mr. Jones sitting on the bed holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked
over to the nurse who was
taking his vitals.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?"

The nurse replied, "I told him that you were going to want to examine his sexual organs."
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