Jokes

[bliss]

A couple met at the Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over.

"It's only fair to warn you Linda." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live...eat... sleep... and breathe golf."

"Well..." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker."

"I see." he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said.... "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
_____

A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period
for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys
a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!!!" Without answering, the girl picks up the
phone and makes a call.


Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front
of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and
wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and
tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't
marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take
charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the
rest of her life.

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture
stores, a deli, a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account."

"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a
$25,000,000 bank account."

"However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do
you suggest?"

All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's
shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."
_____

A trash collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks.

There's no answer.
Being a kindly and conscientious guy, he knocks again - much harder.

Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.

"Hi pal! Where's yer bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realizing the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No! No! Buddy, Where's your dust bin?"

"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean, Where's your wheelie bin?'"

"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear, "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"