Jokes

[bliss]

The Secret Of A Contented Married Life

A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life: "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."

"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"

"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."

His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
_____

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation? "

The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."
_____

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.

The first boy came to the door and said, “I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?” No, take a seat.

The second boy came to the door and said, “I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?” No, take a seat.

The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer. “Hello, my name is Chuck.”

The farmer shot Chuck.
_____

If women are so great at multitasking then why is it so hard for them to have sex and a headache at the same time?
_____

Church Bulletins! - Part 1

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.