Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Ethics test for lawyers
THE SCENARIO


While you are on the phone, a client comes into your office to pay his bill. Seeing you are busy, he simply leaves the cash on your desk and departs. When you get off the phone, you pick up the money and find that what you (and probably he) thought was only one hundred dollar bill is really two one hundred dollar bills stuck together. (You know this because he only owes you $100).


THE TEST


Do you tell your partners about this additional income?


THE CORRECT ANSWER


Cash isn't income.
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A plane full of 250 lawyers heading to an ABA convention is hijacked by terrorists.

The terrorists make their demand:

$5,000,000 or they will begin releasing one lawyer every hour...
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A blind Rabbit was going through the forrest and met a Frog. The Frog was also blind and asked the Rabbit " What do you look like? The Rabbit told the Frog to feel him and see if he could guess. The Frog felt him and said "You have long ears, and a soft, round tail". "You must be a Rabbit". The Rabbit said "Yes, you are right." The Rabbit said " Now, let me see if I can tell what you are". So the Rabbit felt the Frog and said, "You are small and slimy". "Oh, You must be a Lawyer!"
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A farmer was once asked how many lawyers it would take to grease a combine. His answer was :

Just one, but you have to run him through the machine really slowly.
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A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
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A former lawyer applied to a government contractor for a job. The contractor asked him what he could do.

"I'll be a consultant," the lawyer said.

"We have enough consultants," the contractor said.

"I know all about what's going on in government," the l awyer said. "I'll be an advisor."

"We have enough advisors," the contractor said. By now the lawyer was becoming a little desperate.

"Look," he said, "I'm not overly proud. I'll help you with paperwork, sort of like a clerk."

"Sorry," said the contractor. "We have more than enough clerks.

With that the lawyer got upset. Jumping to his feet, he turned toward the door and shouted, "Well, to work for you, I'd have to be a low-down, double-dealing SOB anyhow."

"You didn't say you were a lawyer!" exclaimed the contractor. "Do sit down."
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Last October while in Philadelphia on a business trip, I took one afternoon off to see the Liberty Bell and other historic sites downtown. Two young familes were also in line to the see the sites and I overheard an interesing conversation between two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.