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My favorite....You cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear...Mom
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Sir, you can be ignorant, or you can be arrogant. I won't tolerate both.
It ain't home till you take the wheels off. You're not wrong, just pushing on the pull door of reality. A Nicholas KPM 517 |
Tighter than a gnat's a$$ stretched over a rain barrel
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Seen one, you've seen 'em both!!
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"Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober"
-Churchill "It is what it is" - everyone Matron: “Sir, you smell.” Dr. Johnson: “No madam, you smell, I stink.” |
"You know, it's so nice out, I think I'll leave it out".
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These are inseparable:
"The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others." "Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians." |
"cheap is Good and ford wants the best" By a ford truck mechanic.
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Said the blonde to the police officer,
"But sir, I heard you didn't give pretty girls tickets? We don't maam, Please sign here!" Larry |
My life credo " It seemed like a good idea at the time"
Told to me by a union negotiator "Non-ligitimus non-carborundum", Latin for "don't let the b#st#rds grind you down" |
Drive it like you stole it.
Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while This ain't my first rodeo Eager beats pretty any day From my Dad's collection: It's invenerial My Favorite>> Thanks Dad>>> Never pass a urinal, never trust a fart, never waste an erection. |
These may be regional
That looks worse than hammered dog sh*t!
I've been to two World's Fairs and a goat f***ing, but I ain't never seen nothing like this. |
Show me the money!
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"I roped goats twice in towns you've never heard of son."
"fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." "The early bird may get the worm... but the second mouse gets the cheese." "The difficult part is to figure out who's drunk and who's just stupid" "Money don't DO ugly" |
from "Dirty Mary and Crazy Larry"
after crashing his car the cop radios in... "I'm unable to continue pursuit because...... my brakes went out... and ....uuuh......my steering was loose anyway."
after young cop gets new motor in police car, asks mechanic.. "hey what's my top end?" reply, "UNLIMITED"!! |
"I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!"
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I'll add my favorite...
What does not kill you makes you strong. |
"Lord give me patience...But give it to me NOW!!"
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This one's from my old boss, Road Race Champ Gene Felton: "I live with Fear everyday, occasionally SHE lets me go racing!" You won't believe how many responses that one gets! Thanks, Matt.
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Just heard this on TV last night
"Women wear make-up and perfume because they are ugly and they stink" |
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