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  #1001 (permalink)  
Old 10-08-2013, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnyxRider View Post
You mates are awful funny! I was going to say something about the Americas Cup but better not.
OK you've had enough fun since 1982.
It's about time we took all our Aussie yachtsmen off the US and NZ boats and mounted our own campaign.
When it's time for the next challenge, remember the name Oatley. Think Wild Oats....
Aussie money, Aussie design genius, Aussie boat, Aussie crew...
Pick a shape, pick a date, pick a place -- we're coming after you!
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  #1002 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2013, 10:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Donunder View Post
OK you've had enough fun since 1982.
It's about time we took all our Aussie yachtsmen off the US and NZ boats and mounted our own campaign.
When it's time for the next challenge, remember the name Oatley. Think Wild Oats....
Aussie money, Aussie design genius, Aussie boat, Aussie crew...
Pick a shape, pick a date, pick a place -- we're coming after you!

I don't follow the series like some do, but all the money being put into the whole lot is getting a bit crazy.
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  #1003 (permalink)  
Old 10-11-2013, 02:05 AM
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Default The third hand

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  #1004 (permalink)  
Old 10-14-2013, 11:24 PM
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Talking Did you know ?

Its a documented fact that 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Grumpy----then again 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy either !
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  #1005 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2013, 02:05 AM
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Came across this....bit of a laugh but the words are put to the best song in the AFL!!!!...apologies to the other codes!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPvPNGsVDOs&sns=em
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Last edited by OZCOBRA; 10-15-2013 at 02:10 AM..
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  #1006 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2013, 11:27 AM
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Default Tom Cruise to star as Carroll Shelby

Really? Cruise is a tad short to play Shelby. Link
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  #1007 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2013, 03:58 PM
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I mowed the lawn today and, after doing so, I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.



My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said that instead of saying, "Just thinking" is because she would have said, "About what?".
At that point, I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to, yet, other questions from her - interrupting my deep thinking.


Finally, I thought about an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question: getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby. And, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.



Time for another beer.
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  #1008 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Krait View Post
Really? Cruise is a tad short to play Shelby. Link
Tom Cruise is 5 feet 7 inches tall (1.70 m). Might do better dressing up this girl....Maria Sharapova is 6 feet 2 inches tall (1.88 m). she might be closer to his height and better looking too

Last edited by letsboogie351; 10-27-2013 at 04:06 PM.. Reason: spelling
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  #1009 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2013, 03:52 AM
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Talking

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there
was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0 r a l s e x' will do the trick &
bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close
the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his
wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart
rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
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  #1010 (permalink)  
Old 11-21-2013, 07:54 PM
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  #1011 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2013, 01:56 PM
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jEEZ DAVE ............so much could be said here !!

Like ' what sh#t came up with that idea!'
maybe....'which arsehole thought of that ?'
or maybe ' Is that really a kids game?'
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  #1012 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2013, 03:46 PM
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That guy needs a hand
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  #1013 (permalink)  
Old 11-23-2013, 01:20 PM
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Default The Nun and the Cabbie

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers,

'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1. You have to be single and

2. You must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Trevor and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'
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  #1014 (permalink)  
Old 11-23-2013, 01:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rog246 View Post
jEEZ DAVE ............so much could be said here !!

Like ' what sh#t came up with that idea!'
maybe....'which arsehole thought of that ?' or maybe ' Is that really a kids game?'
Michael Jackson? Sorry just couldn't resist
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  #1015 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2013, 04:20 PM
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Michael Jackson? Sorry just couldn't resist
Michael Jackson !??!........wouldn't that hole be a bit big for what he was used to ?
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  #1016 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2013, 04:45 PM
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A good looking fella is going to a business meeting in the biggest building in town. He gets into the lift on the way to the top when a stunningly beautiful vision joins him.
The lift has gone up a few floors, when he turns to the woman and says " Can I smell your Pus*y?"
She gives him the once over and after a few seconds belts him one !
He sees star for a second or 2, recovers his composure and says " I'll take that for a NO!"

He pauses for a moment, looks her in the eye and says " Well it must be your Feet then !"
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  #1017 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2013, 06:22 PM
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Default Sick leave

Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok
today, I relly sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need
you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and
tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I
go to work. You try that.

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say
and I feel great. I be at wok soon........You got nice house'.
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  #1018 (permalink)  
Old 01-01-2014, 09:35 PM
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Hand Jobs

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
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  #1019 (permalink)  
Old 01-06-2014, 11:43 PM
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Default That First drink!!

I took my son out for his first pint. Got him a Fosters.

He didn't like it - I had it.

Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it, I had it.
It was the same with Guinness and Cider.

By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram.
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  #1020 (permalink)  
Old 01-29-2014, 12:58 AM
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CROW KILLS



Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found

over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there

was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird

Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to

everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT

Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.



However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying

colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By

analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the

crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were

killed by an impact with a car.



MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if

there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck

kills versus car kills.



The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:

when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a

nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that

while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one

could shout "Truck."
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