The POOL ROOM

[trularin]

I see the pool room has slipped into a bit of humor.

Good, it was too serious in here.

Tru

[Baz]

Originally Posted by trularin

I see the pool room has slipped into a bit of humor.

Good, it was too serious in here.

Tru

Hi Tru,

You have a PM.

Baz

[Rog246]

Originally Posted by trularin

I see the pool room has slipped into a bit of humor.

Good, it was too serious in here.

Tru

Maybe TRU, but there is some serenity in here !!
Just listen.................Arrrh "the serenity"

[Rog246]

It doesn’t take long….


Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard replied:‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said:‘You see that bridge over there?’
The Spaniard replied:‘No.’


As of this week, all new Euros are to be printed on Greece-proof paper.

Syria has appealed for international assistance today, after a boatload of 500 Greeks arrived seeking a better life.


What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet?
I.O.U.


I'm investing in a new currency...the George Foreman Euro.
Same as the other Euro, but no Greece.


Alex Tsipras has said that Greece will "Bounce Back".
Just like it's cheques.


My son wanted to know what it was like to live in Greece, so I took his pocket money off him.

[Rog246]

A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Haiti could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to see Dr. Bumbutu in Haiti to see if he could help her.

Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your breasts and chant, ‘Scooby, doobie, doobies, all I want is bigger boobies!”

She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup breasts

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby, doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked: ‘Are you by chance a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?’

“Yes I am”, she said. “How did you know?"

He winked at her and whispered, “Hickory, Dickory, Dock…

[Rog246]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

[letsboogie351]

Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's cooking show on the telly.
Bruce says; "What are you watching that **** for? You can't cook to save your life!"
To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"


A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"



THE NEW AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM

Australians all let us rejoice
The weekend now is near
We've worked all bloody week for this
Dear God let's get a beer.
Our desks abound in paperwork
Our hands are stained with ink
In desperate stage, we'll fly the cage
Advance to Friday drinks!!
With joyful strains, destroy our brains
Advance to Friday drinks.

[Rog246]

FIVE UNDENIABLE FACTS

1. A wise person once said: ‘We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.’

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is PRICELESS.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Fosters, Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

AND

5. I haven't verified this on Google, but it sounds legit…..
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

[Rog246]

All of the six Senior members of the Board of Directors of the Company, were called into the Chairman’s office, one by one until only Bob, the Junior member was left sitting in his office.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

He entered the office to find the Chairman and the six other Directors seated around a table and was invited to join them,which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in eye and with a stern voice, asked, "Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my Secretary?"

"Oh no Sir, positively not!" Bob replied.

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked the chairman.

"Honest! I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!"

"You’d swear to that?"

"Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere!"

"Good, then you fire her!"

[Donunder]

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

[Rog246]

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport , President Obama strides out to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in the Queen’s new gleaming million pound Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 19th century State landau pulled by six white horses.



They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering people along the way.

When suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard across the Realm.



The smell is so atrocious they both use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the Queen and the President do their best to ignore the incident.


The Queen politely turns to President Obama and says,


"Mr. President, please accept my deepest apologies, I’m sure you understand there are some things even a Queen can’t control."



Obama, politely responded in his Presidential way and said:


"Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

[letsboogie351]

A family was driving behind a rubbish truck when a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen. To hide her embarrassment the mother turns and says to her young kids "my what a big insect", to which her 7 year old says, "I'm surprised it could fly with a dick that size".

[Rog246]

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.



One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired.”



His buddy says: “Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.



She's after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don't know what to do."



A fellow about my age (70+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.



He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that ****."

[Rog246]

Airborne thirty minutes on an evening flight from Glasgow, the head flight attendant nervously made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry, but it appears that there has been a mix-up by our airport catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals. I apologise for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later:
"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

[Rog246]

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted - Where you off to Charlie?

He said, I'm off to change a light bulb.

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,

- That's gonna be a bit awkward init?

- Not really. he said. I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.

[Rog246]

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?

"No, just here for a few days."

[letsboogie351]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied... 'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

[Rog246]

Yesterday morning I bought two cases of beer on sale at the First Choice Liquor.
I placed them on the front seat and headed back home.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was
filling up her car at the next pump.
Although it was very cold she was wearing a very short skirt and a light
jacket which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top she said, in
a sexy voice:
"I'm a big believer in barter, old fella; Would you be interested in
trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer ya got?"

[Rog246]

A small boy named Bruce lived in a suburb of Sydney, Australia.

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him,

"You’re driving me mad Bruce".

One day Bruce 's mum came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mum honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.

The mum was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Sydney, relocating to Newcastle.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease. All the doctors strongly advised her

to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened

her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her.

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Bruce, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!

Don't tell me you thought Bruce became a heart-surgeon?



Sometimes I worry about you.

[trularin]

Damn - I think he works here now.

Hello folks - just stoppin' in to givve ya a shout.