The POOL ROOM

[spookypt]

Was it a Greg Hood who crashed his car at the nats 200? at WP coming onto the straight??? Name sounds familiar .......

[Wazza]

Yes....same guy.....loves the horsepower.

[Jaydee]

Aussies shorten their words so as to not catch to many flies in their mouth.

[dave295]

Originally Posted by Jaydee

Aussies shorten their words so as to not catch to many flies in their mouth.

I suspect my missus shortens her words so she can fit more in whilst awake!

[Bernica]

My wifey usually shortens her words quite a bit when pi$$ed and starts spitting!

[letsboogie351]

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear google, please do not behave like my wife..
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.


A married man's prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away
You gave me youth, You took it away.
You gave me a wife ... Its been years now, just reminding You.


A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife : honey ... you say prayer before eating at home
Husband : that's at home sweetheart ... here the chef knows how to cook.

[Rog246]

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,
She quickly undressed and we had the most amazing sex ever....
Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before !!

[Rog246]

A blonde was selling her pet Python on eBay.

A bloke just rang up and asked if it was big.

She said: "It's massive."

He said: “How many feet?"

She said: "None - it's a bloody snake!"

[Rog246]

2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa'-me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name. In those days the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpetre before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: "Oh! Limp pricks!"

Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into "Olympics".

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.

[Rog246]

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and
> blows it all to hell!
>
>> An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and
> ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
>

She turned to the pilot and asked,
>
> "Are you a real pilot?"
>
>
>
> He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a
> Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more
> than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds,so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
>
>
> She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the
> morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think
> about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
>
> The two sat sipping in silence.
>
>
> A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"
>
> He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'

[letsboogie351]

AUSTRALIAN LOVE POEM.



Of course I love ya darlin’
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin’ there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
Yours just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gunna get

No matter what you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footballs’ on
And fetch another beer.

[Rog246]

A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”

Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”

Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”

Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”

Businessman: “How close?”

Flight Attendant: “Same price".

[Rog246]

OH No!!! He has a sister ?!



Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"


Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut."


Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small, was it?"


Sally replied, "No... Salty."




Mum fainted.

[Rog246]

Do you know what happened 166 years ago this September?

On September 9, 1850 California became a state!
The people had no electricity!
The state had no money!
Almost everyone spoke Spanish!
There were gunfights in the streets!


So basically NOTHING has changed, except back then the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.


And that, my friend, is your history lesson for today.

[Rog246]

Which is grammatically correct ?

Angels is souls
or
Angels are souls ?

[letsboogie351]

A guy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine,
beer on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies, who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in and immediately says:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
Confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!”

[Rog246]

always thought they were dodgy bastards !
Your choice which side you choose !!

[Rog246]

A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his arse !


Doctor described his condition as stable !

[Rog246]

Thought for the day!



Life

This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I've heard in recent times:





"Life is like a penis; simple, relaxed and hanging free; it's women who make it hard."

[letsboogie351]

A female police officer arrests a man for drink driving.

She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The drunk says, "Tits".