The POOL ROOM

[letsboogie351]

Timbuktu -
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a
university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, and then
allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained
the word. The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '

First to recite his poem was the university graduate.
He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand,
trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
destination - Timbuktu.
The audience went crazy! No way could the old abo top that, they
thought.

The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;
Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They was three, and we was two
So I buck one, and Timbuktu.

[letsboogie351]

When we were kids my dad used to put me and my brother into tyres and roll us down a hill. Ahh yes, they were Goodyears

[letsboogie351]

Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

[letsboogie351]

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on this freeway. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

[letsboogie351]

What have fat birds and mopeds got in common.
They're both fun to ride, until some one sees you on one.


Got a right beating last night by a 6ft 7in black bloke
all I said was, golly you're tall.


I decided to become less Chauvinistic and be more sensitive to my wife's needs.
I bought her a new bag and a belt.
The Hoover works great now.


I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children’s iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.


Janet and Eddie are shopping in their local Coles supermarket.

Eddie picks up a pack of Stella and puts it in their trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks Janet.

'They're on sale, at only $15 for 24 cans' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them!' demands Janet, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along Janet picks up a $30 jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks Eddie.

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies Janet.

Eddie retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Stella, and they're only half the price.'

[letsboogie351]

A truck loaded with Vick's Vaporub crashed and rolled on the Eastern freeway during peak hour last night. Amazingly there was no congestion for eight hours!

[letsboogie351]

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

[letsboogie351]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
________________________________________

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after
three." "Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?" "Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes
after ten?"
"A Jack."

I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good morning you ugly prick?" It's not yours is it?

Little Vic attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Vic asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Vic, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Postman wants to buy Mum

[letsboogie351]

I phoned an engineer friend to seek his help with a problem but, he shut me down saying that he didn't have time as he was currently busy working on aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and stainless steel under a constrained environment.
I was impressed until further probing revealed he was washing dishes with hot water under the watchful eye of his wife