Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem ?" He
replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful ? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
================================================== ===========
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first
lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before
starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy.
The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this
point,the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then
licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the
corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they
follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense
of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I
licked my index."
================================================== ===========
A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks
him if he wants anything.
So the Hippy says 'Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare,
but right in the groove.'
So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink.

He says 'A cup of tea.
Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.'
The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda
slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and
asks the Hippy if he wants any dessert. He says 'Yeah some ice cream.
Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.'
So the waiter says 'Why dont you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!'
================================================== ===========
Tarzan lumbered home after a hard day's work just in time to see a
crocodile snap one of his 15 kids off the riverbank.
"Hey Jane," he yelled, "Did you see that?"
"Oh come to bed," Jane shouted back, "and we'll make another one."
The next day, as Tarzan was making his way home again, it happened once
more.
A crocodile came out of the river and grabbed one of his kids.
Jane was not in the least bit concerned when Tarzan brought it to her
attention.
"Let's go to bed and make another one," she said.
"No way!" Tarzan boomed, stamping his feet. "I'm not working all day
and ****ing all night just to feed the bloody pet crocodiles!"
================================================== ===========
As the priest was leaving his church after the service, he accidentally
bumped a gorgeous blonde parishioner, knocking her left tit with his
elbow.
"I'm so sorry," the priest gushed. Then after a moment of hesitation
added, "But I'm sure that if your heart is as soft as your breast,
there's a place for you in heaven."
"Well," said the blonde, "if your cock's as hard as your elbow, we
should go into those bushes and ____!"
================================================== ===========
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because
her first period had started and she had no idea what it was.
The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested
Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying? Asked little Johnny.
"I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied.
"Give me a look," said little Johnny.
She lifted her skirt and showed him.
"Duckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some
bastard's cut off your cock!"
================================================== ===========
A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became
bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."
"What if I can't find you?"
"I'll be behind the piano."
================================================== ===========
A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for
the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was
waiting for a special delivery.
"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."
================================================== ===========
There is this women she has two horrible, rotten, spoilled kids. She
has finally had all she can take. She can't handle them any longer.
She takes them to see a counselor. The younger child is asked to be
seen first.
A day later the child goes in for his appointment. The doctor
take the child in his office. Talks to him asking general questions.
Finally the doctor says, son where is Jesus? The child didn't respond.
The doctor asked again just a little louder; son where is Jesus? The
child didn't respond.
Now angry the doctor stomps his foot pointing his finger and asked
again son where is Jesus? Again the child didn't respond. Now very
angry the doctor calls it quits for the day. Sends the boy on his way.
They get home and the brother all worried about his visit asked well what's
going on what happen. The boys says I dunno but Jesus is missing and
they think we have something to do with it.

[CobraDan]

A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her father what she needs to do.
He says to hammer a nail with a large head on it into the wall where she wants her picture to be located.
After searching endlessly for a "nail with a large head on it" she gives up and goes out to buy one.
When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty looking man with his eyes popped out of his head once she enters the store. Not knowing her way around a hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.
"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"
He answers, "I have something with a large head that would be happy to nail you."

[bonyhadi]

A minister gave a talk to the Rotary Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback
riding with the members.A few days later, she ran into some men at theshopping center and they complimented her on the speech herhusband had made. She
said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell
off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge & Jury
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought
was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury.
The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of
lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly --after only an hour of
testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested.
The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was
concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it
seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.
The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?"
The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "Your honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his
professionalism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I
am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing
now?" She replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you
know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I am here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury,
illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her
head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: I suspect that my ex used to visit prostitutes before we met.
Jill: What makes you think so?
Mary: Well, one night we were just playing around, and he picked me up and headed for the bedroom.
Jill: So?
Mary: So I giggled and asked, "Should I struggle?"
And he asked, "I don't know. Does that cost extra?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage still confers one very special privilege. Only a married person can get divorced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible
fight with the old devil all week."
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side, said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband to wife: "I'm feeling so depressed today."
Wife: "Why, Honey?"
Husband: "It's just that sometimes I feel so alone and useless."
Wife: "Oh, you don't have to feel so alone. A lot of people think you're useless."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how
many others were there before me?"
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting." And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~`
Bedtime Prayer For Men
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde, and long;
Who notices that she's mostly wrong;
One who sucks AND doesn't speak;
And promises to do so once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.
Opens her legs and lies on the floor;
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh! Send me a woman who won't play with my mind
...who knows what she wants, and that's lots from behind!
...one who'll make love till my body's twitchin'
And brings ME a beer when she comes from the kitchen.
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait,
I'll screw all the rest because it's never too late.
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient.
"I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Social DIS-Graces, Etiquette For The Socially Impaired
Never go to the door when you are picking up someone. Just honk loudly
and continuously and save your energy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[CobraDan]

Three women are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first lady presses her forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at her
curiously. "That's my pager," she says, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second woman lifts her palm to her ear. When she finishes she explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third woman, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes she returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from the crack of her
butt. The others raise their eyebrows.
"Oh, excuse me. I'm getting a Fax.

[CobraDan]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the
boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,
the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed
the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
"Me."

[bonyhadi]

Keli and Anni were having a picnic in a park. Anni says,
"See my new diamond ring? My husband bought it for me."

Keli replies, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then says, "And see that shiny new Jaguar parked over
there? My husband bought it for me."

To which Keli says, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then tells her, "And you know that big white house at the
top of the hill? My husband is gonna buy that for me."

Again Keli says, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then says, "Oh my stars, here I am, going on and on about
myself! Tell me, what does your husband do for you?"

Keli tells her, "Well, my husband sent me to charm school."

Anni asked, "Charm school? Why on earth would he do that?"

Keli replies, "Because I used to say, 'Who gives a flying fart?,'
but now I say, 'Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!'"









Q. What drives a lesbian up the wall?
A. A crack in the ceiling.










A man from Idaho goes to New York City, on business, for the
first time.
After checking in to the hotel he goes down to the bar to have a
drink.
He orders a rum and coke. The bartender gives it to him and says,
"That will be eight dollars."

He give the bartender the money and says, "Man, everything is so
expensive here in New York!"

The bartender replies, "It cant be that much more than where you
live."

The man replies, "Oh yes, it is! Why do you know that, in my home
town,you can go out drinking all night for nothing!
And if you feel you've had too much to drink. You can check into
the finest hotel and spend the night for nothing! And not only that,
when you wake up there is a twenty dollar bill on the pillow next to
you!"

The incredulous bartender says, "I find that very hard to
believe. Has that ever really happened to you?"

The guy replies, "Well no, not exactly...but it happens to my
wife all the time!"










A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her
patients of their stutters. She came to a therapy session in a revealing

outfit and offered a blowjob to anyone who could pronounce the name of
the city in which they were born without stuttering. The first man stood

up and said, "B-b-b-b-b-b-Boston."

Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down. The next guy stood
and said, "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."

He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down. The third
guy stood and without hesitation said, "Miami."

The student fell to her knees and began sucking the man off.
After finishing, she looked up and said, "What do you have to say now?"

He replied, "B-b-b-b-b-Beach."











Little Johnny was a Jewish boy.* He was walking with his
girlfriend on
the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful
doctor,and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.

As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out
of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

"What's this," she asked.

"Taste it," Little Johnny replied, "If you like it, I'll give you
a whole one!"

[bonyhadi]

PINOCCHIO

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio,
therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he
could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of
weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
bouncing happily through town and asked him, How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"


CINDERELLA

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her
fairy godmother appears, and promises to
provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second
condition?" "You must be home by 2a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin. " Cinderella agrees to be home
by 2 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.


Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy
godmother. "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"


"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his
name!" "I can't remember, exactly...Peter
Peter, something or other..."


MICKEY MOUSE

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, ?I didn't say she was
crazy, I said she's ****ing Goofy."


RED RIDING HOOD

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and,
holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled
out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him
and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"


SNOW WHITE

Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
his face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie
to me!"

Oh.......................................by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from jock itch?













An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and
reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to
afford to buy any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 10 pounds, go and buy yourself
some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into
his pocket and says, "For the sake of
decency, here's
5 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under
it.

"Hoot, lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?" She too explains, "You don't give me enough money to be able to afford any."

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"













The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the
clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the customer.

"She's expecting a cruise."












The Perks of Being Over 40

Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend
Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.

Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard
sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a
wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this
winter.
Rather than just saying you are not amused,
you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your
kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the
Heaven's Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your
Brownie troop on
a field trip to Chippendale's.

Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR
"OLD" IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, "Let's go
upstairs and make
love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I
can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN...Your friends compliment You on
your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker
opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the
wrinkles out of your
face.
"OLD" IS WHEN...You don't care where your spouse
goes, just as long
as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN...You are cautioned to slow down by
the doctor instead
of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting a little action" means I
don't need to take
any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting lucky" means you find
your car in the parking
lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN...An "all-nighter" means not
getting up to pee.












Little Turtle Climbing a Tree


The little turtle climbs the tree very slowly, very
painfully. Then she crawls along a branch, to the very
end, and when she finally gets to the edge, she jumps.
And she falls. But she doesn't get discouraged. So she
walks to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls
along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps.
And falls to the ground.

Again, with a stubborn look in her face, the little
turtle walks slowly to the tree, she climbs the tree,
she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and
she jumps. And falls.

In a nearby tree a couple of pigeons are looking at the
little turtle. Walk, climb, crawl, jump. Fall. And all
over again.

After a while one of the pigeons ask the other,

"Hey honey, don't you think its time we tell her that
she is adopted?"

[bonyhadi]

Bad ASS Leroy

A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw
a party and invited a few of his buddies. He also
invited Leroy, the only black guest at the party.


He held the party in the backyard of his mansion.
Everybody was having a good time drinking,
dancing, talking to the ladies. At the height of
the party, the rich white guy said, "I have a
man-eating alligator in my pool and I will give
anyone a million dollars if he is man enough to
jump in."

All of a sudden there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!


HE WAS FIGHTING THE ALLIGATOR AND KICKING IT'S
ASS. He was doing head butts, jabs, choke holds,
all kinds of stuff; the water was splashing and
the alligator was screaming. Leroy finally
strangled the alligator and as it sunk to the
bottom, Leroy slowly got out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him. The rich white
guy said, "Damn, I guess I owe you a million
dollars..." Leroy said," No, that's okay." The
rich white guy said," Man, I have to give you
something, you won the bet.
How about half a million?" The brother said no.
The rich white guy said "Come on, I insist on
giving you something.......how about stock
ptions...a Rolex or maybe a Porsche......? Again,
Brotherman said "No." The confused rich
white guy said, "Well Leroy, what do you want?"
Leroy said, " I just want the motherf%#$er who
pushed me in the pool."














The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List

DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will
cause aggression problems down the road.

DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is
just another word for small cage.

DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God
had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have
covered their body with hair to keep them warm.

DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing
with him all the time.

DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual
dog requires considerable time and energy, and it
is impossible for a responsible dog owner to
spend quality time with more than two dogs.

DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack
animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for
proper socialization.

DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the
invention of evil capitalists who want your
money, and kibble has no nutritional value
whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog
sawdust.

DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking
destroys all the nutrients.

DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw
food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other
harmful bacteria.

DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl.
It will turn his nose pink.

DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will
surely get bopped on the head for thinking that
someone else cares about your silly little
opinions.

DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has
nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule
nonetheless.

DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can
cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says
the lady running the tattoo booth.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief
will cut off the tattooed ear.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a
tripod before you can say Ginsu.

DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended.
He could get caught on something and choke.

DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar.
He could run away without any identification.

DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate.
Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow.

DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a
car accident, a wire crate transforms into a
doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car
accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.


DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in
many states.

DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's
b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.

DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's
B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."

DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will
injure his joints.

DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a
psychopath would send their beloved pet with a
complete stranger.

DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a
great dog, and he deserves a much better handler
than you will ever be.

DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has
produced dogs with temperament and health
problems.

DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about
their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about
getting a dog, get a cat instead.

DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just
don't!

DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will
rip one off jumping a log or something, which is
quite painful.

DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are
acupuncture points that are needed for proper
functioning of the kidneys.

DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their
whiskers to determine the size of their head,
which is important when they are out shopping for
a new hat.













A male crab and a female lobster are dating,
but for obvious reasons, they must hide their
love from their parents. Eventually, the lobster
tells her father, who forbids her from seeing the
crab.

"But we're in love!" cries the lobster girl. "Why
can't I see him again?"

Her father tries to come up with a good excuse
and says, "Because crabs walk sideways and
we walk straight."

"Please, Daddy," she cries. "Just meet him
once. You'll change your mind."

The father relents, and the daughter rushes off
to tell her crab suitor.

Desperate to make a good first impression, the
crab spends weeks learning to walk straight.
Finally, with tremendous effort, he can move without
scuttling sideways and walks all the way to the
lobster's house as straight as he can. The father
sees the crab coming and yells to his daughter,
"Here comes your crab boyfriend-and he's drunk!"












Reasons to Go to Work Naked


13> Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see
your ass in here
by 8:00!"

12> Can take advantage of computer monitor
radiation to work on
your tan.

11> Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in
Human Resources.

10> "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in
my pants."

9> To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from
looking down your
blouse.

8> You want to see if it's like the dream.

7> So that -- with a little help from Muzak --
you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

6> Splattering grease from deep fryer is really
hard to get out
of your uniform.

5> People stop stealing your pens after they've
seen where you
keep them.

4> Diverts attention from the fact that you also
came to work
stoned.

3> Because setting the nation's monetary policy
and keeping
Andrea Mitchell satisfied requires a delicate
balance.

2> Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her
toes.

1> Because the President insists when Hillary's
out of town.










S AND M

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th
class reunion, and they haven't seen
each other since graduation. They
begin to talk and bring each other
up to date. The conversation covers
their husbands, their children,
homes, etc. and finally gets around
to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every
week or so but it's no big adventure,
how's yours?"

Sally replies, "It's just great,
ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never
would have guessed that you would go
for that."

"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores
while I Masturbate!

[CobraDan]

Well, despite the fact that AOL Time Warner has lost over half of its value and threw out their CEO, Gerald Levin, it hasn't stopped other companies from talking about doing mega-merger deals.
For instance, did you hear that Yahoo, in a 5-1 stock split, plus some capital from Microsoft, is planning on taking over Disney, Data General, and United Health Care? Yep.
The new company will be called: Hoo-Dis, Hoo-Dat, and Hoo-Cares.

[bonyhadi]

GIVING A LIFT

A priest was driving along and saw a
nun on the side of the road he stopped
and offered her a lift, which she
accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing the habit to open and
reveal a lovely leg.

The Priest had a look and nearly had
an accident. After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately
said, "Father; remember Psalm 129? "

The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove
his hand. However, he was unable to
remove his eyes from her leg. Further
on while changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said "Father,
remember Psalm 129".

Once again the priest apologized.
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak".

Arriving at the convent, the nun got
out, gave him a meaningful glance
and went her way. On his arrival at
his Church, the priest rushed up
to retrieve the Bible and looked
up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek,
further up you will find Glory".

MORAL OF THE STORY:
ALWAYS BE WELL INFORMED IN YOUR JOB.
OR YOU MIGHT MISS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY!!

[DAVID GAGNARD]

A GIRL'S PRAYER

Lord,
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the dickhead you sent me instead.
Amen.

A BOY'S PRAYER

Lord,
I pray for a girl with nice tits.
Amen.

[bonyhadi]

An English woman and a Redneck woman woman were grocery shopping, After
watching the other woman staring at and hefting two potatoes she asks,
"What are you looking at?"

The Redneck woman says the potatoes reminded her of her husband's
testicles.

The English woman exclaims, "THEY ARE THAT BIG?"

The redneck woman says, "No, they are that dirty!"










Two career drunks were extremely thirsty one Saturday night and decided to
go to the store to get some cheap booze.
In the store, the first drunk says, "All right, I have 87 cents; how much
do you have?"

His friend replies, "I have a dollar. What can we get for $1.87?"

The first spots a big Italian sausage on the rack for only $1.80 and has a
great idea. "Hey, here's what we can do" he says.
"We'll buy that sausage there and put it in my pants. We'll go into a bar
and order drinks. After the drinks are gone, I'll pull
out the sausage and you start sucking on it. They'll kick us out of the bar
and we won't have to pay!"

The second drunk agrees and they head off to the bar. They walk in and
order two beers and drink them down. When the
beer is gone, the first drunk whips the sausage out and the second starts
sucking on it.

"What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bar!" says the bartender, and
the two run out laughing. "That was great, and
it didn't cost us a cent" says the second drunk. "Let's do it again!"

So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This time it's 4
beers! The free drinks continue for 20 bars through
the night. At the end of the night, the thoroughly inebriated second drunk
says, "Man what a great night. All this drinking
is making me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."

"Sausage?" says the first. "I lost the sausage about eight bars ago!"
















This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing
for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds
for the suit.

"I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband.
"Can you believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?"

"That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer.

"Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."














The Japanese have invented the perfect woman robot.

It has 5 buttons.

1. ****
2. Suck
3. Cook
4. Clean
5. Off













A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated
on by his son Morris, the surgeon.

The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens
to me, your mother is coming to live with you."










































It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a
Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said. "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who
said,'Give me liberty or give me death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who said, "Patrick Henry,
1775."

"Very good! Who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth.'?"

Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki is
new to our country and he knows more about our history than you. She heard
a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put is hand up, "Lee Icocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right, who said that?"

Again, Suzuki said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah! Suck this!"

Suzuki jumped out of his chair, waving his hand and yelled to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "If you say anything else
I'll kill you!"

Suzuki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted. As the class`gathered around, someone said,










A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer
approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about
something.

"Good afternoon Sir." says the officer. "Do you know why I stopped
you?"

"Yes, officer..." answers the man, "I know I was speeding--but it is
a matter of life or death."

"Oh, really?" says the curious officer. "How's that?"

The man explains, "There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."

The officer says, "I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."

The man exclaims, "If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a
dead man."





Hallmark Greetings

1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers... and a box of Depends.

4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.

5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... What the hell was I
thinking?

6. Congratulations on your wedding day! ...Too bad no one likes your husband.

7. How could two people as beautiful as you... Have such an ugly baby?

8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you... I've changed my
mind.

9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life... I never believed in Hell till I met you.

10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.

11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

12. Someday I hope to get married... but not to you.

13. Happy birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!

14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me... Now that we've broken up, I think it's time
you kept your promise.

15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend... So here's his leash, water bowl
and chew toys.

16. We have been friends for a very long time... let's say we stop?

17. I'm so miserable without you... it's almost like you're here.

18. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy... Did you ever find out who the father was?

19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... I'd
miss you terribly and think of you often.

20.Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... So we're having you put to sleep.

21. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Alabama and
Mississippi)

[bonyhadi]

sexual astrology
CAPRICORN

22 December - 21 January WOMEN: Don't need much foreplay - you go straight from zero to WOW in nothing flat!
Not interested in exotic variation; only staying in
power. Since you like to dominate, you like to be astride your man, set a rhythm, and please yourself. Once
into a rhythm, lovemaking becomes a wild contest with
orgasm as the prize and you can depend on getting here more than once. Also a scratcher and screamer. Best
sex mates: Taurus, Scorpio and Pisces.

MEN: Sex evokes the best he can offer. He is a planner and a schemer (that is schemer, not a screamer!).
Prefers a woman who knows what he enjoys, and he
expects her to be willing and ready whenever he wants her. Has the stamina of a marathon runner. Here is the
man who will hold off until you are ready to scream!
Erogenous zone: a massage that starts at the lower back and gently strokes upward along the sides of his
spine.

AQUARIUS

22 January - 21 February WOMEN: A slow starter, you idealise love and encompass it with tenderness.

Once aroused though, anything goes! Extremely imaginative and likes to try new things. There is nothing in
any sex manual that you won't try. Belief that anything
that increases the pleasure for your partner is worthwhile. Best sex mates: Aries, Gemini, Libra,
Sagittarius and Aquarius. Favourite sex position: standing up, and in
water.

MEN: Never treats a woman like a sex object and prefers a variety of foreplay before getting down to it. May
have to be revved up, but once his engine is started, he
is free and inventive with amazing persistence. He will always see you through to climax. A woman that knows
what she wants will be very happy. He usually ensures
an orgasm twice - once orally and once genitally. Erogenous zones gently touching the calves and ankles will
get him going. Be careful though - a kinky Aquarium
can be a sadist who doesn't like to be denied!

PISCES

22 February - 21 March WOMEN: Always make the right moves, say the right things, and create the right
ambience. You are sexually liberated and enjoy a wide
range of eroticism. If his fantasies coincide with yours, the action can really get torrid! You seldom say
no to anything your lover suggests! Favourite places: in a
waterbed or hot tub. Best sex mates: Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Pisces.

MEN: Takes the lead in lovemaking and impatient if he doesn't get a swift response. Indifferent to sexual
restrictions, both moral and legal; prefers a partner with a
tremendous sexual craving. Likes sex in a chair. He likes to be submissive. Becomes an addict to anything
that will give pleasure and release. Erogenous zones:
massaging and caressing his feet.

ARIES

22 March - 21 April WOMEN: Wildly sensual, passionate and adventurous. You'll have sex anywhere, you know
what you want - intense and frequent sex, you have
a need for complete control, but you're also in love with love. As a mate, you are ardent, loyal,
sentimental, and earthly. Biggest thrill - the tickle of a man's facial
fuzz.

MEN: Sleeping with him is like playing croquet with live bombs you never know what is going to happen! Never
expect him to wait for you to be ready - he will rip your
clothes off if he is ready to go. Don't tease him or you'd better be ready to deliver. Fond of slave master
games and he likes it rough. Aries men are also explorers,
so be ready to go where no woman has gone before. His favourite position - a woman on her knees leaning
forward.

TAURUS

22 April - 21 May WOMEN: You expect your man to be kind and patient and make love to you by the book. Like
to be pleased by sex, but don't look for unusual
approaches. But you are a demanding lover and leave your partner breathless. You have a need for oral
gratification, both giving and receiving. Best sex mates:
Cancer, Sagittarius, Scorpio, and Leo. Most likely kink: sucking on your toes, one by one. You also like
biting . . . hmmm!

MEN: He is the ideal lover - sensitive and understanding of his partner's feelings. He prefers it slow and
easy; he won't be your guide to the exotic unknown, but that
he does, he does beautifully. This is the guy to go for long and luxurious oral sex. Stamina? This man could
wear down a glacier! His erogenous zone: gently and
slowly kiss and bite the back of his neck.

GEMINI

22 May - 21 June WOMEN: Often the aggressor; you are never embarrassed by your behaviour because you never
adhere to any standards except your own. Your
main requirement: a lover who knows how to take his time. You are a one woman harem, but a partner should be
aware that in a relationship, the Gemini woman is
looking for a combination of the spiritual and the physical, the romantic and the practical. You want to
talk to the guy after you tumble with him! Best sex mates are
Leo, Scorpio, Aquarians, Libra, and Aries. Favourite gadget: the vibrator.

MEN: He likes it with the lights on in front of a mirror. He can work any partner into the mood because he
knows exactly how to evoke the right responses. Oral sex
isn't his favourite pastime, but will take his time with the other preliminaries. Tends to be fast and
furious, more concerned with satisfying himself than his partner, but
he is more than adequate in areas of lovemaking that are often neglected by other men. He can tell a woman
exactly what she wants to hear. His erogenous zone:
move your lips and tongue lightly up his arm.

CANCER

22 June - 21 July WOMEN: Will never make the first move, but you can be a marvelous lover for you are
capable of intense sensuality. You will reciprocate passion
with a fever that will stir his heart and stimulate him to his best performance. On your own time, you have
a fondness for masturbation. Your favourite position: lying
prone while your man enters you from behind. Best sex mates: Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, and Pisces. You
may become a slave to sexual pleasure!

MEN: His most surprising technique: intercourse with no hands. He has a need for constant encouragement and
if gotten, he will be a delightful swain. Both patient
and aggressive, he will often begin somewhere other than bad: likes being in command, and is a master at
manual clitoral manipulation! You'll like the trip as it as
much travelling to a place as it is arriving.

LEO

22 July - 21 August WOMEN: Sleek, lascivious, enticing and lazy! Whatever Leo wants, Leo gets! Intensely
responsive and there are bed partners who have scars
to prove it. Your need to show off leads you to prefer the top where he can look up and admire the beauty of
your body. Best sex mates: Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius,
and Aries. Your sexual wardrobe: full of wispy cutout bras and panties!

MEN: Simply brushes aside rules and conventions. One important rule to remember about him: NEVER tease. His
endurance is remarkable and he has a great
appetite for making love. He likes women in the submissive position and oral sex is okay when he is on the
receiving end. He likes a woman to show how much she
is enjoying it. His erogenous zone: his back is particularly vulnerable.

VIRGO

22 August - 21 September WOMEN: You have no illusions about sex and wish everyone would stop magnifying its
importance. Prefer men who will wait for the
relationship to develop to the point where sex is inevitable. You love mutual masturbation and enjoy a
little punishment and your grace and modesty is a great turn
on. You become an artist at pleasing your lover. Favourite kink: can't truly enjoy it unless a third party
is present. Best sex mates: Gemini, Cancer and Aquarius.

MEN: Too shy to make an overture, but when the moment arrives, you had better be prepared for him to bring
his pyjamas, shaving equipment, and toothbrush. He
likes to talk about how you like it and having talked about it, he will key in on the right erotic response.
Don't expect imagination, but he is a hard worker and is open
to suggestion. His secret life: can be obsessed with pornography. Erogenous zones: his buttocks.

LIBRA

22 September - 21 October WOMEN: Drama is the key word - you set the stage for sex. Intensely feminine and
an instinctive exhibitionist. You feel your body was
made to be seen and admired. Feel that seduction is an art, not an assault. When approached the right way,
you find it easy to say yes to almost anything. Unusual
control of vaginal muscles. Best sex mates: Aries, Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Aquarius. Like any
position where your buttocks are exposed.

MEN: Looks for the whole experience, not just a tumble between the sheets. Has a definite kinky side, a
voyeur and fond of the 'menage-a-trois'. He has the
patience needed to satisfy. He like women who dress well and have long hair. If a woman's clothes look as
though they are easily removed, he finds her hard to
ignore. Erogenous zone: back and buttocks, especially the feel of erect nipples against either of them!

SCORPIO

22 October - 21 November WOMEN: Inquisitive, searching and experimental. Knows that eroticism consists of
more than the physical act of lovemaking. While
looking like a perfect lady in public, you dress and act like a whore in the bedroom.

Control of the orgasm is very important and will try anything to help your man maintain his potency. You
never take no for an answer and when interested in
someone, you will pursue him with determination and guile.

Best sex mates: Gemini, Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Props you love: scented body oils, flavoured lubricating
gels, and vibrators.

[bonyhadi]

continued....

MEN: A lustful, sexy animal. Enjoys biting and sucking and is a master of oral sex. Inflicting pain turns
him on so he may pinch at nipples or the inside of thighs.
Likes it in water, but his kink is that the prefers wooden tables and hard floors to satin and silk. His
erogenous zone is his genitalia.

SAGITTARIUS

22 November - 21 December WOMEN: You like the outdoors - freaking out if you are in a tent, camper, or on
the beach. You enjoy sex, but you don't like to prolong
the preliminaries and want to start the main show as soon as possible. Like to tease your partner to the
point of losing control. You don't mind if your partner comes
too quickly - you are a generous and accepting lover. Best sex mates:

Leo, Libra, and Aquarius. Your sexual wardrobe will consist of accessories - gloves and shoes!

MEN: Sex is rarely an intense experience with him - he often comes too quickly, but he'll be the first to
try a new position. He is the master of erotic massage - both
oral and manual. His tongue can be a wicked instrument and when combined with his lips, creates an explosive
effect! Erogenous zones: hips and thighs. And he
likes to look at a woman's calves and thighs, and likes to have sex with a woman in stockings















Bizarre Laws
CALIFORNIA

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of
a tavern, school, or place of worship.

In Baldwin Park, nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a
swimming pool.

In Belvedere, there is a City Council order which reads: "No
dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

In Blythe, you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless
you already own at least two cows.

In Chico, detonating a nuclear device within the city limits
results in a $500 fine.

In Los Angeles, you may not hunt moths under a street light
and toads may not be licked.

In Pacific Grove, molesting butterflies can result in a $500
fine.

In San Francisco, persons classified as "ugly" may not walk
down any street.

[bonyhadi]

*cough* *cough* *giggles* um ....

You Might Be A Pothead If......

If you have ever given a van a tie-dye paint job you might be a pothead.

If you have ever lived in a van you might be a pothead
.
If your van has blacklights, lavalamps, laserlights and glow in the dark
stars in it you might be a pothead.

If you have more than One marijuana poster you might be a pothead!

If someone says "HI" and you immediate response is " No I'm not" you
might be a pothead!

If you have ever said" I just realized I'm sitting on a marshmello" you
might be a pothead.

If you have ever rolled a joint that was bigger than your thumb
you might be a pothead!

If you have seen more than 1 Cheech & Chong movie you might be a pothead!


If you have watched Half-Baked more than 10 times you might be a pothead.


If your friends nick named you Brian after watching Half-Baked you ARE a pothead!

If you continuosly quote Half-Baked you might be a pothead.

If you get mad at your enployer for not giving you holiday pay on April
20th (4:20 day) you might be a Pothead!!!

If you have a countdown to the next 4:20 day on your web site you might be a Pothead!

You might be a Pothead if you refuse to use Visine because it makes your eyes "Suspiciosly White"

If you know that JOB rolling papers are actually JB rolling papers
with a diamond in the middle, you could be a Pothead.

You might be a Pothead if you refer to the one T-shirt that you own that
isnt Tye-dye as your Dress shirt you might be a Pothead.

If you have ever turned all of your underwear pink in a freak tye-dye
accident you might be a pothead.

If you have never smoked a cigarette, but you always have a lighter, you just might be a Pothead.

If you consider bong-making to be a legitimate hobby, you might be a
pothead.

If you buy special glass cutting and drilling power tools to make Bong
you might be a Pothead.

If you have ever made a bong out of tin foil, paper towel roll, and a
condom you might be a pothead.

If you work at Watson's Supermarket you might be a pothead!!

If it's, 9:20 and you say "well it's 4:20 in some time zone" you might be
a pothead.

If you know what the letters in NORML stand for you might be a Pothead.

If you want to join NORML but are afraid that the FBI will start watching
you. Its possible you are a Pothead.

If you know what THC stands for but have no clue what
H2O is you might be a pothead.

If you know the chemical structure of THC but you flunked Chemistry in
school you might be a Pothead.

If you have a gro-light in your closet you might be a pothead.

If you can convert grams to ounces in your head,but have no idea how many litres are in a gallon you might be a pothead.

If you have ever been lost in your own home you might be a pothead.

If you find the rolling paper back to be one of the handiest things on
earth you might be a pothead.

If you hang out with people named Sky, Smokey, or the Guy you might be a Pothead.

If you have asked someone "Where the **** is the remote!" when it is in your hand you might be a pothead.

If you have ever eaten ice cream with a plastic knife you might be a
pothead.

[bonyhadi]

Deductions
-----------------------------------
The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an
IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000
for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like
a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three
days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these
travel deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your
wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business
expense because we also deliver. "










The Observant Child
----------------------------------
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his
cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.

His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this.

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4
better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"











Top Ways to Piss Off A Man


I am sure that any chick trying ANY of these on a guy would get it back at her ten times worse! Just a
thought ...- Dotty

-> Tell him he has to recite a Shakespeare love sonnet before you agree to do the horizontal bop.

-> Tell him his brother is a better lay.

-> Tell him his sister is better in bed than his brother is.

-> Take the remote control apart and damage the circuit board inside. Put the remote back together. Smile
sweetly while he goes nuts.

-> Create an email account in his best friend's name. Email him suggestive letters and sign it, Love, Floyd.

-> Rub his stomach. Say "Bhudda, Bhudda, bring me luck."

-> Fake an orgasm while riding in the car and stopped at a stop sign. Double points if the car is parked
outside his favorite bar.

-> Subscribe to Woman's World, Cosmo and Redbook. Make the subscription in his name.

-> Clean his tools with his favorite shirt.

-> Give him all kinds of fabulous promises about the best blowjob he's ever had. Just before you start, say
"DAMMIT! Chipped a tooth. Oh well, it won't matter."

-> Tell him you've invited some friends over to play strip poker. Then say that his
golf/fishing/hunting/poker/drinking/etc. buddies should be here any minute.

-> Tell him you've always wanted to be a man and you finally have enough money saved up for the operation.
Triple points awarded if you say it in front of his
parents.

-> Tell him you want to be closer to him all the time, so from now on your gonna use ONLY his razors to
shave your legs.

-> Burn his favorite meal, three times in a row. Make a salad in it's place.

-> Tie him to the bed. Paint his toenails bright red.

-> Tie him to the bed. Put on your sexiest lingerie. Do a striptease for him. Then have a long,
heart-to-heart talk with him.

-> Tie him to the bed. Put on an adult movie with the sound on and the screen turned at an angle that makes
it VERY difficult to see.

-> Call your mom. While he's listening, invite her to move in with you.

-> Buy 1 ticket to his favorite, sold-out sporting event. Say "It was the last one, but to prevent any hard
feelings, I'll just tear it up so we don't have to decide who
goes." Burn the ticket.

-> Out of the blue, look him straight in the eye and say, "It doesn't matter." Ignore him for 30 minutes.

-> Tell him your pregnant and you *think-> he's the father.

-> While he's sleeping, Super Glue his dick to his leg. Say "I was worried it might fall off and you'd lose
it."

-> Write a letter to another guy during sex.

-> Tell him you shoved $200 in $1s into a Chippendale dancer's shorts the last time you went out for a night
on the town with the girls.







The Pilot
---------------------------------
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the
aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching
a field during the night time.

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he
said: "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied:
"Guess where!"









Angry passenger to luggage claims clerk: If this airline can fly three
thousand miles from New York City and find Los Angeles in the dark, why
can't they find my luggage?

[bonyhadi]

Do you know why most men from Italy are named
Tony? On the boat over to
America they put a sticker on them that said TO
NY.

You know you're Italian when . . .
. You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a
day and still cry
when your mother yells at you.

. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because
you can't fit two
cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and
pizzelles into a regular
lunch bag.

. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician,
accountant, travel agent and
lawyer are all your cousins.

. You have at least 5 cousins living in the same
town or street. All
five of those cousins are named after your
grandfather or grandmother. .

You are on a first name basis with at least 8
banquet hall owners. .

You only get one good shave from a disposable
razor. .

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it
is presumed his Mother
had an affair.

. There are more than 28 people in your bridal
party. .

You netted more than $50,000 on your first
communion.

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:
.

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

. Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

. Your mom's meatballs are the best.

. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a
shoe thrown at you. .

Plastic on the furniture is normal.

. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and
"mozzarella." .

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or
"gravy." .

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

. And you understand "bada bing"










How To Be A Good Dog
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid
of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly
and leap playfully on this person. If the human
falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick
its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected
to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be
very happy to hear you protecting their house.
Especially late at night while they are sleeping
safely in their beds. There is no more secure
feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the
middle of the night and earing your protective
bark, bark, bark...

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water
dish immediately before licking your human.
Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch
your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the
middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig
a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they
won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of
dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll hink
it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the
ground. Strive daily to do your part to help
correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is
always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed.
Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog,
to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at
dinner, especially when there are guests, so you
can clean up any food that falls on the floor.
It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to
humans, so break as much of the house as
possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for
a walk with your master or mistress, never go to
the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on
the new couch after all your humans have gone to
bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a
ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your
fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you
never--- quite--- catch them. It spoils all the
fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion
industry. ...Eat a shoe.




















Closing Time

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar,
hoping for a bust. At closing time, as everyone came out,
he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously
inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around
the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his
own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the
other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off,
wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the
grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the last car, he
pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

The Patrolman, just waiting for this, turned on his lights
and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer
test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00!

The Patrolman was dumbfounded! "This equipment must be
broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman.

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the Designated Decoy."
















Young Son

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest
son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter,
as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just
gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"










First Encounters

Miss Figpotr was trying impress upon her seventh
grade history class how Native Americans must have
felt when they first encountered the Spanish
explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if
someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very
different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual
clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," Little Johnny answered, "I'd just figure
it was my sister's date."

[bonyhadi]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NURSE IF.....

The front of you scrubs read: 'Nurses...here to
save
your ass, not kiss it!'

You occasionally park in the space with the
'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.

You've ever told a patient to 'move toward the
light.'

You believe that all the patient needs is some
vitamin
A (ativan)

You've ever run out of linens, syringes, IV
fluid,
meds, and patience all at the same time

You believe some patients are alive only because
it's
illegal to kill them

You do the
"only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell
happy
dance"

You always follow the rules, but be wise enough
to
forget them sometimes.

You believe any family member who is more drunk
(or
more stupid) than the patient, is the real
problem.

You can't cure stupid.

You believe if it's wet and sticky and not yours,
leave it alone!

You believe just because someone's license date
is
before yours does not mean they know what they
are
doing.

You have seen more moons than the Hubble
telescope.

To you the phrase "divide and conquer" means
getting
two co-workers to help you change the bedsore
dressing
in the crack of a 400 pound patient.

You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into
the
lube while inserting a foley on a patient that
has
pulled out three catheters on your shift while
restrained.

You own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them

You never get into an argument with an idiot,
because
they only bring you down to their level and then
beat
you with experience

You ever had a patient die shortly after saying,
'Hey,
watch this'

You ever wished that they would make corrugated
catheters to use on really annoying patients.

You no longer have a gag reflex.

You make up new ways to describe strange patients
True
--a doctor friend of mine would put the number
"45" on
the chart to warn the nurses that
the patient wasn't playing with a full load of
chromosomes.

You hope there's a special place in Hell for the
inventor of the call light.

You believe not all patients are annoying. Some
are
dead.

You believe the definition of stress is when you
wake
up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen
asleep
yet.

You think pizza, cookies and coke make a balanced
meal.

You tell cops where to go without fear!

You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.

You've ever thought, 'Patients, God love 'em,
because
today, I sure don't!'

You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse'
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom

You have ever referred to an intoxicated patient
as a
FORD (Found On Road Drunk)

You call some of your co-workers 'Flowers in the
Field
of Medicine' because they're bloomin' idiots

You've ever used the acronym F.T.D. (Fixin' to
Die)
or L.T.B.B (Lucky To Be Breathing)

You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would
be an
excellent gift for Christmas.

You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope
than on
a car payment.

You notice that you use more four-letter words
now
than before you became a nurse.

You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and
"vagina"
in a normal conversation.

You look in your closet and can't find anything
non-medical to wear.

You believe any job where you can drive to work
in
pajamas is a cool job.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if
nothing has gone wrong, you've obviously don't
understand the situation.

Everyone gets treated exactly the same---until
they
piss you off.

The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why
the
hell not!

You can identify the following Syndromes:

F.O.L. (Full Of Liquor)

A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way)

W.O.T.A.M. (Waste of Time & Money)

You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil

You have placed your irritating patients/family
members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The ASS)
precautions!

Ever had a patient whose positive pregnancy test
prompts her to call the next day and ask if you
can
tell who the father is.

Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease".

You know it's a full moon without having to look
at
the sky.

You have ever referred to a patient as
"genetically
challenged."

You've developed a crease between your brows from
trying NOT to inhale the various human secretions
you've encountered over the years.

Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
perfectly natural.

You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.

Your bladder can expand to the same size as a
Winnebago's water tank.

You've ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone's
vein
and said, "Now your going to feel a little
stick."

You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.

You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a
brow
ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of
shots."

You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they
actually cover their mouth to cough.

You automatically multiply by three the number of
drinks a patient claims to have daily.

You can keep a straight face when a patient
responds,
"Just two beers."

You develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from
constantly
locking and unlocking the Narcotic Cabinet

You refer to a patient as having a high DBI (dirt
bag
index), which is calculated by the following
formula:
DBI = number of tattoos divided by number of
missing
teeth, multiplied by number of "tracks" added to
estimated days without a bath!

Your idea of a meal break is finishing your
coffee
before it gets cold

You make up acronyms so non-medical people won't
know
just how sick you really are: GOMER, GORK,
TSTL...(Get
Out Of My Emergency Room, God Only Really Knows,
Too
Stupid To Live)

You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate
choice
for mental status

You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems
perfectly
normal

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac

You believe the government should require a
permit to
reproduce

You believe the 'On-call Nurse' program is a
satanic
plot

You believe unspeakable evils will befall you if
the
word 'quiet' is uttered

You believe every waiting room should have a
Valium
salt lick

You believe you have patients who are demonically
possessed

You believe waiting room time should be in
proportion
to the length of time from symptom onset (You've
had
pain for 3 weeks...have a seat, well get to you
in 3
days)

You refer to vegetable and you don't mean the
food
group

You know the local detox center number by heart

You believe the lab should have a 'dumb ****'
profile
on the lab requisition slip

You firmly believe that 'too stupid to live'
should be
a diagnosis

You have to leave the patient before you begin to
laugh uncontrollably

You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it
Right
the First Time' will be your next project.

You find humor in other people's stupidity

Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat

You believe a good tape job will fix anything

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and
wolf
down your food, even in the nicest restaurants

Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift
change

You don't believe 90% of what you're told, and
75% of
what you see

You have your weekends off planned a year in
advance

You feel that most suicide attempts should be
given a
free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.

You've ever had a patient look you dead in the
eye and
say, "I don't know how that got stuck in there".

You have ever restrained someone...and it wasn't
a
sexual experience.

Your feet are slightly fatter and tougher than
Fred
Flintstone's

Your immune system is well developed that it has
been
know to attack and kill squirrels in the
backyard.

You have recurrent nightmares of being hit and
run
over by the portable x-ray machine.





Date Rape Drug Targeting Males

Police warn all clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many
females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in
liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by
female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male
victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs
only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply
ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers"
men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific
looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of
exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate
men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known
as "a relationship". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this
scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory
female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you
fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women
administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every
town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an
open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the
yellow pages.

[bonyhadi]

The Cat Diet

It may not make you thin but it will make you
smile!

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and
eating like people. For those us who have never
had any success dieting. Well now there is the
new Miracle Cat Diet!

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as
getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are
long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat
Miracle Diet© will help you achieve the same
lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for
one week and you'll find that you not only look
and feel better, but you will have a whole new
outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet
cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the
.75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate.
Eat one bite of food; look around room
disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare
at the wall for awhile before stalking off into
the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and
one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest
carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and
play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one
wing. Leave the rest to die. Bedtime snack: Steal
one green bean from your spouse's or partner's
plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes
under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of
chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half
on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat
food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO Breakfast: Picking up the remaining
chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the
carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew
on the corner of the newspaper as your
spouse/partner tries to read it. Lunch: Break
into the fresh French bread that you bought as
your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick
the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the
middle of the loaf. Afternoon snack: Catch a
large beetle and bring it into the house. Play
toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half
dead. Allow it to escape under the bed. Dinner:
Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food
-- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously.
Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living
room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into
it as you leave. Track footprints across the
entire room.

DAY THREE Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from
your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no
one is looking. Splatter part of it on the
closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.
Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the
house. Play with on top of your down filled
comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously
injured but not dead before you abandon it for
someone else to have to deal with. Dinner: Beg
and cry until you are given some ice cream or
milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps
and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being
sure to leave a collection of legs, wings,
antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of
water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on
your spouse's or partner's pillow. Lunch: Remove
the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go
leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the
trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several
times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat
food. Select a flavor that is especially runny,
like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all
the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and
get hard.












Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man
with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?".

Though he feels uncomfortable he agrees to help. He unzips the man's
pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his dick, which
he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy.

Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold
the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back
up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man."

The man says. "No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what
is wrong with your dick?"

Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says, "I don't
know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"

[bonyhadi]

The Politically Correct Woman

_....._
." ", --She is not a BABE or a CHICK -
/ ___/_ \ She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
| /- -\ |
\ ( ^\^ ) / --She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE -
'.!\_=_/!.' She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
_<\)_(/>_
/ \ / \ --She is not a BAD COOK -
/ '-' \ She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
| /\__,__/\ |
\ \ ) ( / / --She is not HALF NAKED -
\/\ /\/ She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
\/\ /\/
|)/---\(| --She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY -
| |___| | She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
|/\___/\|
|\ ^ /| --She does not GAIN WEIGHT -
| `"""` | She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
|_______|
| | | --She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER -
jgs | | | She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
)_|-'\_
/ /T"._\ --She is not EASY -
'-' She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

--She is not CONCEITED -
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

--She does not want to be MARRIED -
She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

--She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME -
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

--She does not TEASE or FLIRT -
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

--She is not DUMB -
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

--She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE -
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

--She does not GET YOU EXCITED -
She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT. ,{{}}},
{{/ \}}
--She is not KINKY - }}}^.^{{{
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION. {{\ = /}}
}}})-({{{
--She does not have a KILLER BODY - /{{ \_/ ((\
She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE. / ( ) \
/ /`\- -/`\ \
--She has not BEEN AROUND - \ \ )%O%( / /
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. `\\/ \//`
(/ \)
--She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - | |
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. | |
| |
--She is not an AIRHEAD - / / / \ \ \
She is REALITY IMPAIRED. After | | | |
jgs |/ \|
--She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - / \ / \
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. `-' '-`

--She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

--She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

--She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

--She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

--She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

--She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP -
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

--She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.

--She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

--She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

--She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.

--She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.












Women think they already know everything, but wait, training courses are now available for
women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem . .. . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both (not just tissues and air fresheners)

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

26. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before



Please register immediately as courses are in great demand.





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