Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

The Poopie List
GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your
underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to
poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling. DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it
loose.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

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THE ESSENCE OF ****

**** is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. **** may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

Consider: You can be **** faced, be **** out of luck, or have **** for brains. With a little effort you can get your **** together, find a place for your **** or decide to
**** or get off the pot. You can smoke ****, buy ****, sell ****, lose ****, find ****, forget ****, and tell others to eat **** and die.

You can **** or go blind, have a **** fit or just **** your life away. People can be **** headed, **** brained, **** blinded, and **** over. Some people know their ****
while others can't tell the difference between **** and Shinola.

There are lucky ****s, dumb ****s, crazy ****s, and sweet ****s. There is bull ****, dog ****, cat ****, bird ****, whale ****, rat ****, and horse ****. There is tough ****,
hard ****, soft ****, slimy ****, rough ****, limp ****. You can **** a blue streak, **** bricks, **** pink Twinkies, **** marbles, or **** your guts out.

You can throw ****, sling ****, catch ****, or duck when the **** hits the fan. You can take a ****, give a ****, keep **** or serve **** on a shingle. You can find
yourself in deep ****, or be happier than a pig in ****.

Some days are colder than ****, some days are hotter than ****, and some days are just plane ****ty. There is funny **** and sad ****, bad **** and good ****. Some
**** doesn't stink while other things really smell like ****.

Some music sounds like ****, things can look like ****, and there are times when you feel like ****. You can be faster than **** or you can be slower than ****.
Sometimes you'll find **** on a stick or **** on a shingle, sometimes you'll find **** everywhere, and then there are times when you can't find **** at all.

You can have too much ****, not enough ****, the right ****, the wrong **** or a lot of weird ****. You can carry **** in a bucket, put **** in a barrel, have a pile of ****,
have a mountain of ****, have a river of ****, or find yourself up **** creek without a paddle. You can slice ****, spread ****, dunk **** or jump ****, and some people
just can't cut the ****.

There is fun **** and dull ****, silly **** and serious ****. Sometimes you really need this **** and sometimes you don't want any **** at all. You can stir ****, kick ****
or stick your ass out the window and **** on the world. Sometimes everything you touch turns to **** and other times you swim in a lake of **** and come out
smelling like a rose.
****! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. This means the universe did not begin with a BIG BANG but rather with a BIG
DUMP. Keep that in mind the next time you flush the toilet. And remember, once you know your ****, you don't need to know anything else.
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A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Eager to try it out, he
takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come
home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the
package open on the table, and his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing
the results and panicking, the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into
the freezer to cool off. Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife
comes home, and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel.
He runs and looks into the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the
bird breathing heavily, stained with sweat, and totally exhausted.
"What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours, and
yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?" The cockatiel
pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs of a frozen
chicken?"
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My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, "I married you for
better or worse, but not for lunch." "Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me
to join him afterwards. "We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like," he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated,
and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes, and said, "Separate checks, please..."
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An ace team of sex researchers decided to study both gay men and lesbian women at a local bar. So one day they prepared a questionnaire and asked 20 gay
men and 20 lesbian women what they liked most about sex. The gay men at the bar responded, "It tastes great!"
And the gay women responded, "It's less filling."