Joke of the Day...

[mike knight]

A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, "Well, we had Iwo Jima."

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, "We had the Battle of Midway."

"Not entirely true", responded the Marine. "Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot* killed at the Battle of Midway."

The sailor responds, "Point taken."

The Marine then says, "We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!"

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, "But we had John Paul Jones."

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "The Navy invented sex!"

The Marine replies, "That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women."

SEMPER FI

[Ron61]

Back to top. Let the other other one die in peace.

Ron

[Ron61]

Marine Corps Rules

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional, but, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always win. There is no unfair fight.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you ar e not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.




Navy SEAL's Rules

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.





US Army Rangers Rules

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving





US Army Rules

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.



US ARMY RECON
1. Slip silently into area of operations.
2. Kill anything that moves or breathes.
3. Sneak out of area of operations.
4. Haul ass to the LZ for the pickup.
5 Call in heavy artillery and an air strike to cover up infiltration activity.
6. Destroy all maps and reference materials.
7. Play dumb when you return to firebase.



US Air Force Rules
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.




US Navy Rules
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

[Joe Wicked]

Originally Posted by Ron61

US Navy Rules
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

hey now, we also deploy Seals.

[Ron61]

THE OLD MOTOR


The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for t his bi rth also and after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you got to keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'

[Ron61]

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Dang! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane?? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod", she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new tailor made Super Quad 460 golf club."


SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . .. LONG SILENCE . . . . . .. . . . ..
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep ****!!"

[Ron61]

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out

that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she is in the middle of her run for Presidency of the US... Now this has happened to her !

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts
screaming : How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you?

I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and
it's all your fault!

Well, what have you got to say?'

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again,

'Did you hear me?

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he asks: 'Who's speaking?'