Ignore (EOM)

[Ibr8k4vetts]

>>1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to
>>kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
>>
>>2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
>>the carpet."
>>
>>3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm
>>going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
>>
>>4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
>>
>>5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
>>break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
>>
>>6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
>>case you're in an accident."
>>
>>7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to
>>cry about."
>>
>>8 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and
>>eat your supper."
>>
>>9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on
>>the back of your neck!"
>>
>>10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that
>>spinach is gone."
>>
>>11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a
>>tornado went through it."
>>
>>12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
>>you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
>>
>>13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
>>world, and I can take you out."
>>
>>14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
>>your father!"
>>
>>15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less
>>fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you
>>do."
>>
>>16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
>>home."
>>
>>17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you
>>get home!"
>>
>>18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your
>>eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
>>
>>19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
>>when you are cold?"
>>
>>20 My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
>>don't come running to me."
>>
>>21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
>>vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>>
>>22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
>>
>>23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you
>>think you were born in a barn?"
>>
>>24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
>>understand."
>>
>>25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
>>have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

[LwCwb]

Originally posted by Ibr8k4vetts


25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

That one scares me

[Ron61]

MikeZ,

That was great. I enjoyed all of them. I really can realte to # 16.

Earl,

I had forgotten about the car show and was wondering if you were feeling bad. Nice to see you back posting.

Ron

[trularin]

Oh, I dunno. All of those lines are true.

I am not sure my wife and I used them on the boys, but I am sure they were delivered in some form.

Mike, you should print those out and see if they get tosse your way.

Well folks, I think I am gonna wire a redundant brake switch into the electrical on the cobra.

Who knows.

[Ron61]

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It ! should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.!

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


Ron

[hey,littlecobra]

[Ron61]

Gee Kristen,

I expected a more witty reply than that. Must be the truth then, huh!!

Ron

[trularin]

I do not think I will touch this...at all.

Ron, she has the decoder ring!

[EarlsflyinCobra]

The other night I thought I was doing something right but my wife corrected me!!

[Ron61]

Tru,

She has probably lost the decoder ring among all the scrap books.

Earl,

You were probably doing it right. She just wanted you to know she was watching.

Ron

[EarlsflyinCobra]

Remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers. Rubbing the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola will help remove rust spots, according to household-hints columnist Mary Ellen.

Clean corrosion from car battery terminals. Pour a can of carbonated Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion, according to Heloise.



Prevent squirrels from climbing into a birdhouse. Spray WD-40 on the metal pole or wires.



Prevent dead insects from sticking to your car. Spray WD-40 on the hood and grill so you can wipe bugs off easily without damaging the finish.



My Favorite;
Free a tongue stuck to frozen metal in winter. Spray WD-40 on the metal around the tongue. YUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCK!!

[Ron61]

Philosophy


GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma or Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . having friends.

At age 16 success is . having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is . having money.

At age 50 success is . having money.

At age 70 success is . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . having friends.

At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.


Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!

Life is too short


Ron

[LwCwb]

Originally posted by EarlsflyinCobra

Prevent squirrels from climbing into a birdhouse. Spray WD-40 on the metal pole or wires.



[/b]

Hmmmm, WD-40 is good, but WD-40 and motor oil are better.

That just gave me an idea...

[Ron61]

Originally posted by LwCwb

That just gave me an idea...

Please don't post it.

Ron

[Ibr8k4vetts]

Originally posted by LwCwb


Hmmmm, WD-40 is good, but WD-40 and motor oil are better.

That just gave me an idea...

This sounds like it's going somewhere bad

[LwCwb]

You guys are sick


I was only going to put the wd40 and oil on the kitchen floor so the kids couldn't get into the kitchen, living room, dining room, hall, basement, and the bedrooms. Its not THAT mean

[Ron61]

Mike,

How is the weather there now? We have had rain for the past three days and it is supposed to keep on for the rest of the week. Darn, will I ever have to mow when the sun comes out again for a day or so. Just three weeks until the big car show here. Should be either colder than all get out or hotter than you can believe that week. I hate the over night 50 degree temperature swings we have here.

Ron

[LwCwb]

Washed the truck today, didn't wear a coat, thats all i'm saying...

[Fox]

How can this thread have more responses than views???

-John

[LwCwb]

John, maybe we should start a thread where you post the first word that pops in your head.