Joke of the Day...

[CobraDan]

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman.
"Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"

This one could be for a lot of our members.

[Flyin_Freddie]

..but I think we may have to ban you from this thread, too....

But, Hey...look, this is the 'Joke of The Day', right? It's posted in the Lounge, as Obergrupenfuehrer Der Brenster asked...you don't have to read it if you find anything objectionable...and indeed, there is some Cobra related material in here...well, somewhere I'm pretty sure.

If we offend you, we're not sorry...other than to say that nowhere does it say anyone has the right to be not offended. If you don't like what you read, simply don't read any further. After all, ClubCobra doesn't force this thread, or any other for that matter, to pop up on your screen unannounced and unexpected. You have to make a concious effort to come to this thread and read all - what it is now? - 11 pages of drivel before you realize you're offended. Hey! If it took THAT long to offend someone, then they must have been pleadin' for it.

Turk...POST AWAY, my good man. Let the Forum be the judge....just obliterate some of the letters of the words that may offend, while leaving enough to get your message across. We'll understand, and you can always delete it if it's too bad...but, hell, read the one about 'Felching'...ewwwwww!

There....editorial over. This is after all the Lounge, so let's ge back to 'lounging'....

We can talk Cobras on the other forums...okay?

[Flyin_Freddie]

But, let's make sure! Since I'm a card carryin' son of the son of a Southern genteelman, I offer the following:

What's the definition of "Redneck Foreplay"?

"Get'n the truck, B!tch..."

[CobraEd]

I don't believe that Brent has any problem with some jokes for everyone to enjoy. It was the childish self serving judgemental whining, chestbeating and me, me , me attitudes that got old and caused the consternation. Sharing some jokes is fun and something to look forward to.

[CobraEd]

You might be a readneck if your wife says:

C'mhere an move this transmission so's I kin take a bath!




Ed

[Cindy Brown]

An elderly lady boards a flight to Washington D.C.. The plane takes off headed towards Washington when all of a sudden theirs a terrible commotion. The flight crew jumps the old lady, ties her up and sits her up front where the crew can keep and eye on her until the plane lands and they can turn her over to the proper authoritys. As the passengers were exiting the plane someone asked...Why did the flight crew hand cuff this little old lady?? The flight attendant replys... She was knitting an Afgan!!!

[CobraDan]

Your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com."

You connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page."

The bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a notebook."

Your notebook has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson."

You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

Your baseball cap reads "Apple" instead of "CAT."

Your computer is worth more than all your trucks combined.

Your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her.

You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on.

You ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy."

Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal.

You start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all."

[CobraEd]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says, "Yes,
you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man.
"How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told
me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in sales." "I am," replies the
balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know
where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help.
You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

[Jamo]

After her doctor prescribed testosterone, a woman went for a follow-up visit and told the doctor that she was worried about some of the side effects she had been experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid you've been giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A liitle hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has it appeared?"

"On my balls," she answered. "Which reminds me of something else I need to talk to you about."

[Dave Samson]

REASONS TO LIVE WITH A DOG INSTEAD OF A WOMAN


Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late.
The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A Dog's parents never visit.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking directions.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
No dog ever bought a Ricky Martin album.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise you voice to get your point across.
Dogs would rather have hamburger than lobster for dinner.
You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs find you amusing when you've had too much to drink.
Dog's don't mind a good fart.

[Jamo]

So true, so true...

[Dave Samson]

Little Davey's father was livid when he walked around the back of the house only to find his son with his pants down and embraced with his prize ewe. "You had better explain yourself right now" yelled the dad.

Little Davey thought for a minute and replied, "Well Dad, it ain't love....but it ain't baaaaaaaaaad either

[Jamo]

Now you're speaking gospel!

Shouldn't you be asleep or fighting fires on the other end or something?

[Dave Samson]

Jamo,
I knew that would get you baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahing.
It's 6.45 am here in paradise, fortunately this summer the fires are 600 miles south of where I live.

[Dave Samson]

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"
"Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

[Jamo]

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam* right.

CNN was showing some space photos of the fires/smoke--guess you folks will be getting all the tourists for awhile--all those pesky little babes in bikinis (if that much)...

[Dave Samson]

Yes I saw those pictures from space too, amazing.
As for the babes, visiting Americans (including broad minded Californians) are still amazed at how little we wear outdoors, that includes men. It never really meant much to me until I went to Europe in the 60's and saw that nude bathing was the norm. in Germany. That's why I spent the next 10 years investigating the subject.

[MDR]

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is "barking" at the front door who do you let in first?


Your dog, at least once you let him in he will shut up


Mike

[ERA535]

Here goes.

What is the worst thing about eating vegetables?

Putting them back in their wheelchairs.

[Jamo]

You start telling your jokes on the way to KISS and I swear you will be the first to be consumed if we get stuck at Donner Pass.