Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a
woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened
and he was informed that the woman had been bit by a bee and was having
a reaction.
"Where was she bit?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," was
the reply.
He then replied, "Wow! She must have been standing right over the
hive."
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A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver.
The little kid starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow
I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with,
"If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a
little elephant."
The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver got angry and
yelled at the kid,
"What if your dad was a serial killer and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiled and said, "Then I would be a bus driver!"
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An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on
his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to
know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of
course!"
"I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the
theater."
The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants.

He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the
theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man
unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the
movie. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is
horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man
over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh,
don't worry about it...you've seen one,
you've seen them all." Agnes says, "I KNOW...BUT THIS ONE IS EATING
MY POPCORN!!"
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A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted
all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the
doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my
husband."
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One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the
head hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry,
who?"

The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as
'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the
'head hog at the trough'!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to
the building fund...."

To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat
pig just walked in!"
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Men are like ... soap operas
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

Men are like ... pillows
Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.
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The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
"I brought a Walkman."
"And what is it for?"
"You can listen to music with it!"
"That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?"
"I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!"
"Yes, I did. It's in the hall."
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"
"It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going."
"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?"
"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"
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A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.
The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had
been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed, "Wow I can't believe the dinosaurs would come
this close to the highway!"
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Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.

What does a blonde do when someone says its chili outside?
She grabs a bowl.


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